Saturday, January 27, 2018

Courage vs Confidence

People are always admiring my confidence, because I will do mad stuff like this photoshoot in undies. The thing is, it doesn't work like that, I'm sharing this not to blow my own trumpet, but because I think it might help people who are scared of giving these things a go to understand how it works:

I do it because I am scared, but I screw up my courage and have a go. The confidence comes FROM this, it is not the beginning of the cycle. Experience has taught me that this will mostly happen, although sometimes the outcome is awful and humiliating and terrible, just as I fear it may be. But I live through it and have another go.
ANYHOO! THIS photoshoot is to publicise our show at Art Deco Weekend in Napier; KABARETT presents NacktMusik 
 This is a thrown together look that I am improving on for the show. YES, I am in a bra and cami knickers and I will be on stage. This is a really terrible idea in many ways but I'm doing it anyway. It is a terrible idea because in spite of knowing it is perfect for my character, some people will be very judgy about it.
 Especially when I am surrounded by these babes all evening! Spending a day with them all being so gorgeous in their scanties for this shoot was nerve-wracking, even though we all love each other and it is a very safe space full of trust and mutual respect.
 There's nothing typically sexy or titillating about this.
But, we will have fun and it all makes sense. Clever Hansel and I are married in this show. A somewhat unconventional relationship that is probably not a legal marriage, given my character's actual assigned gender is probably not the one I am identifying with here.

It is a Cabaret of weird, sexy and unexpected acts, tied loosely together by snippets of insight into the lives of the cast - their loves, losses, addictions and confusions.
I could have taken an easier path with this show and worn more clothes. When I first started performing, I would no more have done this than run naked down the street. But, the courage-action-confidence cycle has moved me a long way from then, and I hope that this show will be one of the wins. I am sure it will, actually, as it is something special.

12 comments:

  1. I bet you throw a good house party.

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    1. I'm more of a dinner party gal, like cooking for people :)

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  2. That description form the link! "Abandoning frowns along with most of their clothes." Sold. And you look amazing.

    When I perform in a cabaret setting, I always have a solid several minutes of WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF. It's always better on stage ;)

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    1. Come over!!! :):) Guest spot? xo
      That is a sold piece of advice, thank you. I am so often producing as well, my backstage time is fraught with details and I only focus as I walk onto the stage. It's not good. This one I am going to find a quiet corner and FOCUS xo.

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    2. yes, and oh HA! I saw your Kaffe post (!) and thought I'd check back-- I meant: I freak out backstage and thankfully most of that goes away ONstage 😂. But I like the advice you took from it!

      I learned a trick for nerves-- stand & lean against a wall at an angle, with your feet firmly on the ground and your entire back against the wall. It's for peeps with PTSD but works for nerves too, and it doesn't look out of place if you're in a crowd. I learned it via West Wing. Because you can learn everything via West Wing.

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    3. Interesting; I never watched West wing and now I am beginning to realise this was a mistake! Also I am intrigued that you get so nervous even after all the amazing work you've done. I assume that 'seasoned pros' like your gorgeous self get inured to it. I do have "WHY AM I Doing this to myself" conversations with myself, but based on having to restrain myself from shouting at people who turn up without things they need, or late, or when I realise I've left a run sheet at home or a USB stick etc etc. DId I get into this to be a damned PA? hehe

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  3. Sounds like an absolute blast! 'Ich sage Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome...'

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    1. LOVE that show. I may or may not be lip synching to a certain Mr Grey in one act in this show ;-)

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  4. I don't feel like I'm particularly brave, but you sure do inspire courage and confidence here. I always love your posts and photos because you practically ooze confidence, courage, and a whole whack of fun! This shoot is a textbook example of that. <3

    Have ALL THE FUN at this show! I hope you post more on it about your experience in it! Or just show off more fun photos. :D

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    1. You have heaps of courage - look at your business!
      It is so much fun, but hard yakka and I will keep sharing. Wait til you see what else I've been distracted by lately <3

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    2. Oooo I will keep an eye out!

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  5. I have to take my hat off to you. You look fan-bloody-tastic with fabulous characterisation. It does take courage to do things out of your comfort zone but if you always stay within safe limits then you don't grow. When I was still designing I got asked to do a high-profile charity fashion show with my corsetry. Only problem was myself and the gorgeous, model-slim milliner I was showing with had to walk too, in a corset and pants. I was easily double the size (literally) of most of the models but did it anyway. Down a runway in the middle of the city centre with lots of press and 100's of people. It was terrifying. There are always people that are going to hate but I can bet that most of them would love to be there doing what you are doing and just don't have the (lady) balls. I bet that you slayed them in your show. Xx

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